May 2013 - I
really wanted to start a blog about this but because I consider it quite
private I have decided to log my thoughts until I either get pregnant, decide
to stop trying to get pregnant or I guess have another reason so post it all.
Today is Tuesday May 14th/2013.
I have officially been “trying” to get pregnant since April/2013. What brought me to trying to become a parent now is kind of
a long story but I’m going to sum it up in short terms for you. In August 2004 I was diagnosed with bone
cancer in my right leg, I started chemotherapy in September 2004, had my right leg amputated above the knee in October 2004 and completed chemotherapy
in late December 2004. After I finished chemotherapy and had lost a huge amount
of weight (I started chemo at 125lbs and finished chemo at about 90lbs) I
started physical rehabilitation and the process of becoming healthy again.
Chemotherapy had absolutely kicked my ass physically.
One of the major repercussions of chemotherapy was that I
stopped getting my period. Once I finished treatment I began to get hot
flashes, I made sure to make my doctors aware of all the symptoms I was having
and after some blood work the conclusion that they came to was that I might
have been going through the early stages of menopause (this was 2005 and I was
19 years old). I was put on birth control to mimic hormones I was missing and
hopefully to get my period back and end the side effects I was feeling. After a
few months it worked, I got my period and was feeling relatively normal. As few
years went by with normal periods but I still wondered if I would be able to
get my period if I wasn’t on birth control, being curious, I stopped taking the
pill. Within a couple months I got my period naturally. Awesome. I was now
somewhat convinced that I would be able to have a baby one day. I went back on
the pill.
Fast forward to 2008
I started dated my now husband, Steve. By 2011
Steve and I were engaged and talking about having a family in the future.
Knowing that even an average woman can have difficulty getting pregnant I
stopped taking the pill in 2012. I began
to wonder what my odds of getting pregnant actually were after everything my
body had been put through in my battle with beating cancer. I spoke to my GP and
he had some blood work done on me that would give him some insight. The blood
work came back questionable so he then sent me to a doctor that specialized in
fertility and reproduction for more tests and further analysis. The results
that I received where and are as followed in April 2013, my body doesn’t produce that same hormones that an
average 27 year old female, in fact my body produces hormones of that of a
female 10 years my senior and also that I have a lower egg count than I should
have. (Forgive me for the total NON-DOCTOR terms). Steve and I were married February 2nd/2013. I should
add that in 2012 I also became very
active making the goal for myself to become a triathlete. I competed in my
first sprint distance triathlon in March
2013. My ultimate goal is to compete at the 2016 Rio Paralympics in Sprint Distance Triathlon. Being involved
in sport is not something new to me, I have played sports my whole life, love
them gym and love a challenge, but being a competitive paratriatlete is new to
me so it is something that I take great pride in and care of. I eat very well
and take meticulous care of my body, yes I drink occasionally slip, lack sleep
and overdo it just like everyone else but it is rare. I am very in tune with my
body and notice changes almost immediately. I talk to my physiotherapist,
doctors, my coach and any professional that can help me maintain my good health
on a regular basis. Other than my fertility issues I am healthy as a horse. I
feel amazing, especially since I have become even more active as a triathlete.
After getting my full results back and discussing my
fertility issues with both my fertility specialist and my GP, my husband, my
mom and my coach, Steve and I decided that it was in our best interest to start
trying. We definitely both want to be parents, if it is possible. That is what
brings me to today. My original goal
was to train my ass off, make the 2016 Rio Paralympics and medal and then start
a family. Steve was also completely on board with this plan, we enjoy our
freedom and were really in not rush what-so-ever to become parents so quickly after
the wedding. BUT as usual my life medically had a bit of a different take on
this plan. Because of my egg reserve and hormone level waiting another 3 years
or any years in that matter decreases my chances of getting pregnant
significantly. The thought of not being a mom (with some serious soul searching
within myself, and of course careful thought on Steve’s behalf) was not
something we were willing to risk not even trying for. So being off of the pill
for a little over a year now and being quite regular I charted what I thought
were my ovulation days and we gave it a first go! I am expected to get my
period in 6 days. My boobs are swollen, I feel kind of bloated (but not as much
as usual) and I’m tired as hell. These are also signs of early pregnancy, so
when I had a check up with my GP yesterday to make sure I was healthy and go
over baby making plans he had me have a pregnancy test. The results were
negative, it could be too soon to tell, but it’s also a long shot to get
pregnant for an average person your first month trying to conceive, let alone
for someone with fertility issues like myself, it’d basically be a miracle. I’d
love to say I was ok with getting the not pregnant results, but I cried. When
anyone is trying for something to happen and it doesn’t, there is always
disappointment.
I think that the reason I had chosen to wait so long to have
a baby) in the first place was because I truly in my heart feel like it may not
happen for me and if I don’t try I can’t have the devastation of trying and it
not happening. Now I have chosen to try I have put myself in a vulnerable
positive where I can be heartbroken every single month by a negative test result.
This is not something I would chose for myself, but it is my life, and if I
want to be a mommy one day I need to just put myself out there and give it all
I’ve got.
Monday May 13th
– Took a pregnancy test at doctor’s office because I am feeling super tired and
my boobs are suddenly swollen and sore – Test comes out negative
Sunday May 19th
– Convinced something is up with my body I take another pregnancy test at my mum’s
Rodeo weekend BBQ – Test come positive. SHOCKED. Steve and I stop on the way
home and buy two more pregnancy tests of two different types. BOTH come out
positive.
Tuesday May 21st
– So today was my first day back to real reality, as yesterday was a
holiday and the tail end of May Long Weekend. I took Friday, Saturday, Sunday
AND Monday off of training, didn’t actually intend on taking Monday off but then
felt lazy and did anyway. Then today, Tuesday, woke up SO exhausted it actually
felt like I had taken multiple Gravol or sleeping pills. Slept in until almost 8:30am, which is
unheard of for me. Struggled to get motivated and just felt completely sapped of
all energy. I should have been training today!!! Had a prosthetic appointment
with Dave that went great and also booked an appointment to see my GP for
tomorrow to confirm the pregnancy. If this is for real, which hasn’t sunk into
me yet, I need to find a way to get my training in, take care of Back 40 (mine
and my husband’s business) and keep myself, our household and our lives
together. I did it all before, why not now? Well I don’t know how much you know
about amputees but being an above knee (which is what I am) I use or burn about
60-75% more energy than the average person. Now to add that my body is building
another human being inside adds a little more “effort” to my system, no doubt
wearing it down faster on an average day. That’s not even adding in my
training, (swimming, biking, running and strength training), 1-3 hours a day, 6 days a week. IF my doctor
confirms what I already think I know, that I have a baby on board, I am going
to have to reconfigure training to make sure I do it at times when my energy is
best, for the most part. And so I wait until tomorrow...
May 22nd –
So today will be my first day of training knowing that I have a baby inside
of me. I say it that way because I trained all last week and the weeks before
not knowing. (Today is also my first doctor’s appointment to confirm that I am
actually pregnant, because honestly I really still don’t believe it.) I slept
like a baby last night. I was exhausted yesterday and had mild bouts of
dizziness and nausea. The one thing I have noticed is that I have had bad
phantom pains the last 4 nights in a row, phantom pains are nerve pains I get
in my since amputation and is very common for amputees, I however, rarely get
them so having them 4 nights in a row has been irritating and odd. Either way,
I managed to fall asleep and when I did, I slept like a 27 year old baby,
didn’t wake up once, and woke up groggy but rested. I also felt more rested
this morning than I did yesterday. I immediately went downstairs to the
washroom, washed my face and put on my leg. Headed right to the kitchen to make
my breakfast and cup of tea. (I read that caffeine can be harmful to the baby
and it is good to stay under 200-300mg a day, so instead of my usual two or
three cups of triple espresso, I’m stuck with tea. Lame, but whatever is best
for baby is best for me. I put myself into a mental time frame that I had 1
hour to eat my breakfast, enjoy my tea and then go do a HIIT session, today
will be cardio on my elliptical mixed with strength training my upper body. I’ve
done some homework and have read it is important to keep my heart rate under
140, keep my body temperature as low and also stay hydrated. I still need to
speak to my GP, my coach and possibly a more specialized doctor about how hard
I can and cannot push myself during pregnancy. Right now I am in the midst of
training for Nationals (June 23rd in Edmonton Alberta). This will be
my second triathlon, but a big one for me as I am hoping to lay down a
competitive time. My original plan would have worked better if it took us
longer to get pregnant, ideally in September when my events for this season
were over, but apparently my body had a different plan. As usual J
Just finished my first workout J it went great. I was a bit
nervous and to be honest I goggled a few things as I trained, wondering if
everything I was doing was OK for baby. I have read mix things about heart
rate, some say rate is measured by what you can handle as an active person or
athlete and some readings had said that you shouldn’t go over 140. I have a
hard time staying under 140. I also read that ab workouts are a no during
pregnancy and then also read that it is very good for you to do ab work during
pregnancy, in fact you can do all ab work in your first trimester, the change
is that you can’t do any ab work that requires you to lay on your back in the 2nd
and 3rd trimester.
Feeling great and refueling with a blueberry protein shake as I write
this J
May 23rd – My
doctor’s appointment yesterday went great J
Now I’m 4/4 pregnancy test positive LOL I’m approximately 4 weeks and 5 days
pregnant with a rough due date of January 24th 2014. I couldn’t be
happier but still have a huge feeling that this isn’t real, or that it will
just go away. I know the miscarriage rate in the first trimester is about
25-30%... My doctor was wonderful and told me I could continue training as long
as I didn’t over do it or try to push my endurance level past what I am already
doing. It’s important to maintain it. The 140 heart rate thing isn’t exactly
accurate for every mommy to be. Even with the permission to train given, I still
found myself not pushing as hard as I usually do, and being safe.
May 28th – So I’m
starting to allow the pregnancy to sink in and let myself get excited. I have
my first ultrasound booked to get our baby’s due and hear the heart beat for
the first time! I can’t tell you how excited I am for that and I can tell Steve
is excited too. It’s funny how something that can be so UNPLANNED can become
something so incredible. I mean medically and body wise I’m pretty used to
things going wrong, on one hand... On the other hand and looking at it from a
much more positive stand point, I’m also used to my body beating the odds and
overcoming obstacles. I can honestly say that nothing in my life has made me
feel more powerful and superhuman than getting pregnant. Not beating cancer.
Not overcoming losing my leg. Not my first triathlon. When I was told it would
be very difficult or maybe not even possible for me to get pregnant I can truly
say I never thought I would be sitting here, after only “trying” for a month,
PREGNANT. This happiness and joy I feel in my heart is indescribable. The
motivation I felt to achieve in life is now amplified by the knowledge that one
day I will have a son or daughter looking up to what I do each and every day.
The fact that I will have a person to help shape and grow is incredible.
On that note, my workouts have been fantastic. I’m more focused than
ever. I am definitely training at about 80% as opposed to my pre pregnancy
110%, but that is only because I am consciously caring for my growing babe. I
think about the little babe constantly, throughout the day and especially when
I am training, but it isn’t in a stressed out way... it’s in a calm knowing
way. A way that motivated me even on the days when this first trimester has me
feeling EXHAUSTED and when I get feel nauseas, the little babe pushes me to
take care of my body how I always do. This is a good thing considering I have
the “2013 Paratriathlon National Championships” on June 22nd, just
over three short weeks away. I’m competing with baby on board J my last race was UBC,
finishing time of 2 hours 18 minutes. Horrible, but that was my base line and
my very first sprint triathlon. My goal for nationals is 1 hour and 59 minutes.
It’s a bit of a lofty goal. My swimming is great but it will be my first
triathlon in open water, so I’m assuming I will add time. My cycling has definitely
progressed since UBC, (at UBC I had only been on a bike about 8-10 times, that’s
for real in total since I lost my leg in 2004). Running, running is going to be
the big one for me... at UBC I wore a running leg that wasn’t fitting properly,
the run was by far my worst and slowest discipline. The hardest on my body too.
Since UBC my prothetist has worked tirelessly to refit and design a new running
leg, unfortunately this is a time consuming process of trial and error and my
leg is still not complete. He has my leg right now, as I type, and is finishing
it. I will hopefully have it by this Friday, May 31st or next
Monday, June 3rd... Which means I will only have about 2 ½ weeks to
literally “find my running legs” and then it’s go time at Nationals. I know it won’t
be my best race, but I am dedicated to my goal of attending and competing and
Nationals and beating MY best time. This race is between ME, MYSELF & I,
and my little babe is along for the ride J
June 3rd – So
this morning I got my new running leg from my wonderful prosthetist (and
sponsor). He completely redesigned my socket with his tech at Barber
Prosthetics because the design I was on before was way too painful. I went from
a skin to suction fit MAS socket to a 5 ring liner hybrid socket. Let me tell
you, the difference is like wearing a pair of painful stilettos to wearing a
pair for my favourite sneakers. This new leg fits me like a glove. So even
though I am starting from scratch with running for the 3rd time in
the last year, I am starting off right. I literally have 16 training days to be
able to run 5k before the 2013 ITU Paratriathlon Nationals on the 22nd
in Edmonton. Sounds nuts, but I whole heartedly know it is doable.
June 6th –Feeling
yucky??? Tell yourself you are feeling great, get up, get moving, get something
healthy and nutritious in your tummy and move on. (This of course is a little
different when I am actually REALLY sick or injured, everybody needs rest too!) So to be super honest I haven’t been feeling
that great. I am beyond tried at all times, even after a night of sleep I wake
up feeling extreme fatigue and my eyes are super heavy. I don’t sleep the best
through the night either, for a couple of weeks I have terrible restless legs
and VERY bad phantom pains in my little leg (or residual limb). Now my sleep is
disrupted because I get up to pee between 1-3 times a night. To make getting up
to pee worse than it already is, our master bedroom is upstairs and our only bathroom
is downstairs. So I hop there and scoot down the stairs on my bum. Not the best
I know. Thankfully I have an amazing husband and he is in the works to build an
ensuite in our master bedroom! Other than feeling super tired I am also finding
myself getting really nauseas and dizzy if I am between meals. Instead of
eating 6 times a day I am eating about 7 times a day, smaller meals, I have
found this helps me feel less nausea. Getting motivated to get my training in
when I am nauseas and exhausted hasn’t been an easy feat, but I have managed to
just get it done. The truth is once I get going I feel great and the motivation
that I am living healthy and being active for TWO really inspires me to keep it
up. Nothing is more important to me than a healthy baby and a healthy Mommy,
and physical fitness is a major part of that for me. So even when the idea of
doing my training is dreadful, I still pull my shit together and do it! J
June 13th – Well,
aside from the fact that I am insanely tired (literally feel like I have taken
a bunch of gravol and some form of sedatives) and I am nauseas as hell and have
to eat about 8 times a day to keep the barfiness away, I am feeling great! LOL
I don’t have a clue how I am getting my training in... I have never in my life
found it this difficult to motivate myself. Once I get motivated and am
training I’m golden, but actually getting my ass up... holy shit, not the same
as I used to be. Looking forward to 2nd trimester when I apparently
will return to my old self, and feel the best during the pregnancy (or so I
have read).Today I had my usual 2 workouts, and I got to thinking how crazy it
is that I am here. About a week out from competing at nationals, WITH a baby on
board. Not the original plan, but like I have said, I stick to my goals even if
the path has to be slightly altered. I thought back to the conversation I had
with my coach when I told him that I might be throwing a possible pregnancy and
motherhood into the mix of training. Saying that I didn’t want to give up my
dream of making it to the 2016 Rio Paralympics, but that I also didn’t want to
give up my chance of being a Mum. Meyrick, my coach, is a father of 3 beautiful
kids so he was whole heartedly supportive. I went back and forth on what I
should do, if I should try for a baby now or just wait until after 2016 and
roll the dice, with a lesser chance. After weeks of thought, it’s obvious what
I chose. But I think back to that conversation and how it helped me make the
choice. I mean of course when it came down to it, it was 100% up to Steve and I
alone, but knowing that I have support in my goals has been key. Feeling that I
was supported, not just by Steve or family, but also by my coach, who has put
countless hours into training me, was huge to me. As crazy as I though the idea
was then, I’m actually putting my money where my mouth is now, I’m a pregnant
triathlete, and as hard as it is some days, it’s worth every second of it. I
train for two J
June 17th – Ok
this is a venting post. Can I just say how INCREDIBLY annoying it is to have
everyone and their dogs opinion about everything I do voiced as soon as they
find out I’m pregnant. PET PEEVE #1 – It is completely healthy and actually
beneficial that I am maintaining my training regime while pregnant. If I had a
freaking penny for every time I have heard someone say, “you better take it
easy” or “are you sure that’s safe for the baby” or “maybe you should work out
less”... Or how about “You must eat so much more then you used to”. NO. I’m in
my first trimester there is NO reason why I need to be eating double what I ate
before, my babe is the size of an olive for god’s sake and even after my first
trimester it is only recommended to eat 300 calories more per day (this is NOT
a lot). I want my babe to come into this world with a healthy nutritious pallet
and a born and bred reality that fitness is part of life. Definitely always
part of mine and hopefully something my children will learn to value and love.
This speaks for my hubby too, who isn’t a triathlete or health nut of any sort,
but absolutely appreciates clean eating and exercise. He eats everything I make
him, hits the treadmill a few days a week, throws in a little strength training
when he can and that’s good enough for me J
So if your reading this and you know you have questioned my training routine or
my diet, fear not, I’m 110% healthy and always consult my doctor.
July 1st – HAPPY
CANADA DAY! Today I am 10 weeks pregnant! Now Steve and I have seen our babe’s
heart beat at our first ultra sound a couple weeks ago J I also competed at Nationals
bringing home a Gold medal for first place in my class and a Gold medal for
National Champion in my class. Other than the fatigue and nausea I am feeling
WONDERFUL! Really looking forward to a couple things, our 12 week ultra sound
where we get to take another look at our beautiful little babe and ending my
first trimester which hopefully means ditching this horrendous fatigue and
nausea. I’m done competing for this season (a promise I made to Steve) but I
will and have be keeping up with my training, regardless of how low my energy
is and how much I really just don’t want to some days! It’s tough! Somehow I
still find it in me to get it all done, and afterwards, I am thankful and proud
that I did. I want this baby to know the importance of health and fitness and
to be raised by a healthy fit mommy. NO EXCUSES PEOPLE, JUST TAKE CARE OF WHAT
YOUVE GOT!
July 2nd – SECRETS OUT!!! So we decided to let the cat out
of the bag a little earlier, not quite at the 12 week mark. We feel confident
in sharing our special news, especially since we have told some family and
friends and know that the odds of someone lett8ing it slip are good, we wanted
everyone to hear it from us. I am also an open book. I truly enjoy sharing my
life experiences. If you don’t like it, tough, don’t read my blog, facebook
updates or any other social media outlets. I’ve always found it healthy to
share my struggles and strengths, as I have found inspiration in reading and
learning about other people’s journeys. I plan on keeping up with my training
and baby progress, so if you like; you can experience it with me.
Yours truly,
Kim
